Indian Prime Ministers

Recently, the views of Raj Thackray on North Indians had the entire country stand up and take notice. His acts of vandalism were critiized in media heavily by one and all. Admist all this, we went to the previous prime ministers of India and asked them about what they thought of his views.

Their reactions were as follows:-

V.P.Singh – I perfectly agree with the views of Raj. Reservation in any form, any amount and at any level should be supported by us. All Maharashtrians have the right to those low level jobs. In fact, I think the higher level jobs should also be reserved for Marathis. The state should start with 27% reservation and with time move on to 50%.

Atal Bihari Vajpayee – Yeh acchi baat nahi hain “Paaaaauuuuuuusssssssssseeeeeeeeeee” Unko apne maryada mein rehna chahiye aur laxman rekha ke izzat karne chahiye warna pariram unke anurup nahi honge

Jawaharlal Nehru – Raj has just lost his way. If he introprospects, he will understand the error of his ways. But we should let him do what he is doing. After all, he is a Maharashtrian and our brother. “ Hindi Marathi Bhai Bhai”. I have sent a rose and a letter explaining him why what he is demanding can’t be granted. Sardar Vallabhai wanted to arrest him but I told him no since that would be against his basic human rights.

Chandra Shekhar – He is not broken any parliamentry convention. Therefore, I see no reason for disagreeing with him.

Inder Kumar Gujaral – I can’t express my views alone. After running a coalition government, I have realized that we should never speak without listening to all those concerned. Please tell me the views of other prime ministers before I can respond.

Rajiv Gandhi – His kind of behaviour cannot be tolerated. He cannot instigate this kind of violence without having to face the consequences. I will get him arrested. But I will not try and stop him from getting bail. I am ready to start the procedure but I won’t go all the way with it.

H D Dewegoda – I do not support what he said. But please don’t think it is permanent. I might change my opinion at a later time. For example, I have been against BJP for two decades but now after my son’s actions, I have started supporting BJP on certain issues. But as of now, I condemn Raj Thackray’s actions

Manmohan Singh – I will ask Sonia Gandhi and tell you.

Leia Mais…

Foriegners through the eyes of an Indian

India is a land of diversity. We are a country of only God knows how many languages, religions,cultures, folk dances etc. We pride ourselves on being a nation where people from different cultures have come and then have remained behind becoming a part of our culture.However there is one tribe which we have not been able to accept as a part of our culture even after being dominated by it for 200 years - that of white people.

Recently, I was travelling in a train when a foriegner walked into our compartment. As soon as he walked in, all the conversation stopped and there was pin drop silence in the compartment. One guy who was talking on phone so loudly that he could be heard two or three compartments down suddenly started speaking very slowly with his face towards the window. Everybody started staring at the foriegner. He looked all around him and must have made eye contact with everybody in the compartment. Soon his companion came and both settled down on their seats while talking in a strange language. Slowly the volume of conversation in the compartment started picking up.
My friend asked me "Which language is this?". Above me, an uncle was showing his child " See, they are Jewish " as if they are a specimen.

This made me wonder as to how the Indian psyche works when it sees a foriegener. For them, spotting a foriegener is just like spotting a rare animal in a zoo. Let us see how the various foriegners compare with the animals:-

Black Foriegner( African ) - He is just like a chimpanzee. A welcome change from the normal but nobody has any particular desire to watch it.

Japanese/ Korean - They are like a porcupine. So different from the normal species. That is the only reason people want to see them.

Bhutan/Sri Lanka/ Nepal/ Bangaladesh - A cow. We have got them in the streets. People don't even bat an eyelid on seeing them.

American - The prize catch. The tiger. Everybody wants to see them and make an aquaintaince whenever possible. People stand in awe for sometime after spotting them.

European/ Australian - Slightly below the American. The leopard. However, the reaction is just as intense as that for a tiger.

Pakistani - The snake. There is a special urge to take a stick and drive it out of town.

South America (Argentina, Chile, Brazil) - A rare species of butterfly. You have to tell people that it is a rare specie for them to appreciate it. You have to tell people that he is from so-so country for them to show an interest.

Leia Mais…

News Round Up

Here is some remaining updates on the news of this week :-

The laid off Jets workers are protesting outside Jet's Mumbai office demanding re-instainment with immediate effect.


It has been heard that the number of protesting employees went up from 600 to 1300 once the media started showing images of this protest on television. The laid off employees have been turning in for this event in their best clothes. In fact after seeing the protest on TV, some fashion agencies have secretly sent their agents in this protest to scour for models who can perform in their upcoming fashion show.

The government has announced a waiver of Rs 25k crores for the farmers- It is hoped that out of this at least Rs 2k crores will reach the farmers for whom this waiver is actually meant. The figure of 25k was reached after adding 15% of the proposed package for federal agencies, 25% for the state agencies and 25% for the district authorities.

Leia Mais…

Weekly News

Welcome to the weekly news. Here we provide a round-up of all the events happening around the world. This week's top stories are:-

Saurav Ganguly finally decides to retire. He played in the Indian team as a performing captain for two years and then as a non-performing captain for four years. After being removed from captaincy, he again played for three years. During this period, he performed well but was kicked out of the team on several occasions for the feats he performed as a non-performing captain. Thus, fed up of being tossed around like a football, he took the final step.

The N-deal goes through. BJP who had been opposing it in the parliament claims it as a big success and credits Atal Bihari Vajpayee for having the vision of starting work on this treaty during his term.

Paul Krugman gets the Nobel prize. Paul has been one of the biggest critics of Bush’s economic policy.There are allegations on nobel committee that it is trying to attribute the economy’s crash to Bush policies. Mr Bush says he is not concerned.
His concern is only with the Nobel Peace Prize committee.

MacCain dares Obama for final debate. Mr McCain has reminded people that he is the candidate. For the past few days, Internet and people’s Google Readers had been flooded with posts about Palin to such an extent that people had forgotten that she is MacCain’s running aide and they will have to vote for him in the elections.

Narender Modi says make voting compulsory. He is going to force people out of their homes on election days and fine them if they don’t come to vote.

Indian sailor free by pirates, heads home. The Indian Statistics Bureau has confirmed that everytime an Indian is in trouble overseas, there is 75% probability that he is from the state of Kerala.

Congress ex-minister joins BJP in MP. He is the sixth person to defect in this month and the 150th ovverall since BJP has come into power.

Vinod Kambli turns into a dancer. This is the reason why you should make your son a cricketer. In case he is kicked out of the team, he will still have a lot of career options – open a resturant, host a talk show, become an actor or a dancer, become a part of the expert panel of Aaj Tak etc etc.

Times of India has launched a new section called Graffiti in their sports pages.It looks like an assortment of the cover pages of the Cosmopolitan magazine. And the motto of the newspaper says “Because you deserve to know”

Nanavati Commision is finally bringing its report out. It had taken four years to prepare its report. After that, the High Court had stayed the Commission from bringing out its report for another two years. Finally the report is coming out. The committee is being lauded for bringing its report in just 6 years when the average time is 10 years.

IIT faculty quota to be implemented. This step has been taken to bring the downtrodden committees at par with the higher ones. It is also being thought that reservation should also be implemented in books. Of all the books being taught at IIT, 27% should be wriiten by SC’s and OBC’s

Suicide blast at Pakistan MP’s house kill 12 – We, Indians will like to sincerely express our deep sorrow at this incident. This incident cannot be justified and the prepators of this attack should be brought to justice immediately.

Leia Mais…

Terrorist attack

News has just come in that the United Nations conference which was being held for the first time in the continent of Afrikanaas has been attacked by some terrorists. The terrorists are currently holding about 200 people as hostages. They have threatened to kill them if their demands are not met by tonight. The United Nations has just now called an emergency meeting in New York to decide the course of action which needs to be taken. They are debating that whether they should attack the terrorists while putting the life of the hostages at risk or not. It is said that some countries are in favour of acceding to the demand of the terrorists instead of attacking them.

UN meeting, New York
The various countries are voicing their opinions one by one

China
The terrorists should be immediately attacked and neutralized. We should not care one bit about the number of hostages who are going to die. It is not because of our fault that they are in this situation. The hostages who die in this battle will be considered as martyors and we will provide ample compensation to their family members.

France
We are not really concerned about this problem. We will go with the collective decision of the General Assembly. We have much more pressing issues to discuss such as Carla Bruni’s previous lovers and Paris Hilton’s new tapes.

Israel
We should try to save the hostages while attempting to kill the terrorists. In case some hostages are killed, we will count their number. If they are less than the number of terrorists killed, then it is okay. Otherwise we will find the difference and then kill that many people of the organization to which these terrorists belong. We have been following this trick for a long time and it is very successful. It teaches the terrorists their lesson and nobody will be able to call us brutal.

United States
We should attack the terrorists without caring about the hostages. As our experience says, we will most probably fail in foiling their attempt. If we fail, we will attack the country to which these terrorists belong.

Britain
We will go along with the decision of the United States

African Countries
We will go along with the decision of the country which gives us maximum aid. Since right now it is United States, we will stick to them

Pakistan
They are terrorists and our enemies in the war of terror. We should immediately attack them. We will like to assure the General Assembly that Pakistan will help the United Nations forces in whatever way possible to overcome the terrorists
(Sideways to his aides: Tell the terrorists that they are going to be attacked and negotiate with the United Nations about the sum of money which we will get in return for helping them)

India
There is no need to ward off their attack. Don’t accede to their demands and let them do whatever they want. They will automatically go back after plundering. We have been following this strategy for many years. In our entire history, people have come, plundered, killed our people and then gone back but it has never affected us. Whether it is Muhammed Ghaznavi or the British or the Mughals or the terrorists now, nobody can accuse us of violence. In fact, some of them after plundering us became a part of our culture. These terrorists might also after getting their wishes fulfilled decide to settle in Afrikanas and become a part of it. So, we will advise you not to do anything about it. We should neither attack them nor accede to their demands.

South Korea
Since none of the countries involved in the conflict is a Muslim country, we will like to remain out of this matter.

Japan
We should try and talk with the terrorists. We have started believing in non-violence after World War 2 and are of the view that dialogue is the best way of solving a conflict between two parties. An attempt should be made to make the terrorists understand that they are treading a wrong path. They will ultimately drop their weapons after realizing their mistake. However if you do decide to attack them, we will like to make it clear that we will not be a part of it. On safety grounds, we will not fire ammunition in any country except ours.

Leia Mais…

The Nano Factory

Recently, Ratan Tata had decided to shift the Nano factroy from West Bengal due to dispute over Singur land. Soon after he made this decision, a lot of states saw an opportunity to attract Nano to their state. As a part of these efforts, one of the present members of the government of Uttar Pradesh decided to write a letter to Ratan Tata, requesting him to consider Uttar Pradesh as one of his options. He also issued a copy of this letter to the press. Here, is a copy of the letter.


Dear Ratan ji,

I feel deep grief over the recent row on Singur land which forced you to pull out of the state of West Bengal. Being an industralist myself, I realize how much effort and money it takes to shift an entire factory from one place to another and that too under a time constraint. Under such circumstances, we the state of Uttar Pradesh will be more than happy to accommodate your Nano plant in our state.

We believe that Uttar Pradesh should be your first preferance because of the number of advantages this state provides. The political will of the state is with you. We have criticized Mamata Banerjee more times than we have supported her. Although in the starting, we used to call her “A Freedom Fighter against an Opressive Regime”, once the rumours of a third front with the help of Communists started floating, we were also the first party to shun her. Recently, after our fallout with Congress and then the fallout of the Congress with Left, we had made some statements in her favour. But if you decide to set up your plant in our state, you can be rest assured that we will waste no time in criticizing her openly. We are a party which strictly supports or opposes people (except one) on the basis of issues. But, there is a slight catch associated with this also. For the continuance of your plant, you will have to make sure that we win in the next general assembly elections. If the opposing party comes in power, then the electricity and other basic amenities of your plant will be cut down since your plant had been built in our rule. Although strange, there is an unwritten law of our state which says that any infrastructure built under one party will be not allowed to function with the help of the state’s resources under the rule of another party. Some of the parks in the state capital are a big example of the implementation of this law. We all know that you have had a good experience of working in different political enviroments and hence, we hope this won’t be a big problem for you.

This state will also help in serving your political ambitions. We will offer you a seat in the Rajya Sabha in the next elections. In the past, we have been responsible for sending some of the top notch industralists and film stars into the Rajya Sabha and these people have had nothing to do with Uttar Pradesh. Some of the prominent names among them include Anil Ambani, Jaya Bacchan etc. We promise to do the same for you also.

There must be some concern in your mind about the poor facilities which the government provides in our state. Please, do not let that concern you. I know that half of our state faces huge power cuts in a day but for your plant, we will ensure 24 hour electricity. We have already ensured 24 hour electricity in our offices and you can ask anybody about how fine it is working. Our electricity bill for a month comes in crores. In fact, the cost of snacks in our offices for a month had also come somewhere close to 8 lakhs. Therefore, money is not a problem from our side. The labour present in the state will also flock to your plant. They all have no trust left in the government plants after seeing various sick PSUs being shut down one after the other. In fact, you must have heard about the famous suicides by the sugar farmers some years back. Many of them have not been paid till now. This has assured them that the government has no money left in its coffers. However, you might be right in being worried about the law and order situation prevailing in some parts of the state.There is some problem with the terrorism which is brewing in Eastern UP but apart from that side, all the other troublemakers in the state are our people only. We can assure you that they will create no problems for you. We want to do something about the Eastern UP situation also but Shabana Azmi and Javed sir are not allowing us to do anything. They are sensible people and can be trusted not to cause any obstruction in matters which might harm your factory.

All in all, I believe that if you do decide to bring Nano to our state, it will be a win-win situation for all of us. You will get a Rajya Sabha seat along with a nice home for your factory while we will get funding for our next elections. This mutually beneficial start will also help us later in discovering many other avenues of cooperation.So, please consider our proposal seriously. I shall be waiting for your reply.

Yours sincerely
A…r S….h

Leia Mais…