A Manifesto

The recent assembly elections in five states have been a rather low key affair. There were hardly any controversies and political scandals. This has been a very welcome change from the normal routine of dirty political campaigns. However, like always, we cannot say that the most eligible candidates have been selected. One of the candidates has been selected from South Delhi even after having a very questionable election manifesto. However, he says that his manifesto is practical and sets very real goals unlike the other candidates in the fray. For your convenience, we have procured a copy of his manifesto here

I, Ram Manohar Singh, am standing for the seat of State Assembly from your constituency. My manifesto points are as follows:-

1. Punjabi will be declared the state language and people who in a fit of road rage abuse in Punjabi will not be fined

2. Every person in NCR region will have the option of writing NCR as their state in their address instead of the name of their actual state.

3. The malls will be declared as heritage sites to collect money for state Treasury. There will be a cover charge for stag entry. In all the monuments of historic importance, there will be a cover charge for couple entry.

4. Every drunk driver after 10 in the night will be allowed to molest only one woman. This will help in reducing crime against woman.

5. A market similar to Pallika bazaar will be established outside each colony so that boys don’t have to go very far from their home to get all the stuff

6. The small streets of Old Delhi will be reserved for kawab shops only and rickshaws will not be allowed in these streets. This is because they cover the entire street and all pedestrians and cyclists have to move behind it.

7. New bus service will be established from various parts of Delhi to Mehrauli farmhouses

8. Bribe rates for policemen will be fixed. Fares for all the cab drivers will be fixed and will be 200% higher for people coming from outside so that they can get their present rates.

9. Anybody referring to a Delhite as DTC (For full form, please call me up) will be fined.

10. Delhi Transport Buses ( DTC ) buses will be provided with a siren just like an ambulance. Therefore, anybody who hears the siren will get out of the way. This will help in reducing these road accidents.

I will strive to fulfill all the points in my manifesto and bring peace and prosperity to the residents of my state. I will uphold the dignity of the Constitution of India at all times and fulfill the dream of its founding fathers in the right spirit.

[ Note: Manifesto for Rajasthan coming up ]